just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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