it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
