We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
