The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
