I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
