Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
