Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
