Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
