i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize