And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
