I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
