i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
