I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you're hired as official boob wrangler
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
