Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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