is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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