I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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