shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i dont even know how to be here
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wear drunk well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
