i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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