so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
