Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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