Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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