My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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