I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
