Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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