We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
