so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
