dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
