Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
