Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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