never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
