come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
