Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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