Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
