i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
