i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
