I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
