Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this will be a night to untag.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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