I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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