Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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