He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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