More tranny stories later!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize