I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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