worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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