well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
