i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
