ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
