well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
