somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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