So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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