I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
