dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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