You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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