I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
