i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
