Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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