Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
