People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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