Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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