I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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