I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
