I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
