I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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