I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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