From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The police scanner is talking about you again....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
