So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
