how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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