I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize