She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex on a dog bed..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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