I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
