Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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