Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
