i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
