Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
