Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I could fuck to npr.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
