Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
