I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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