I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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