Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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