I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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