I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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