Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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