Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
